Well, I'll try not to be TOO negative in this post (although I reserve the right to be cranky in my own blog).

I'm frustrated with Pele's sleep schedule. I can't tell you how many times I've thought or said that since Pele was born. It's not just the normal stuff. The infant stuff where you know you'll be up...or the occasional sleep issue. This seems to be constant and ongoing, and even though there are parents who say they relate to what I am saying--most of them seem to be able to straighten out their kid's sleep issues, which to me seems nothing short of miraculous.

The main issue with the sleep thing is just how disruptive it is. Well I guess it's a tie between how unpredictable/disruptive it is and how hard/tiring it is physically.  When I try planning activities which inevitably fall at terrible times (like last night's dinner at my parents=crazed/tired Pele), or tonight's birthday party of a friend's son, which I can't attend because of Pele being asleep/cranky. I could wake her up and force her to go, but she's getting over being sick and the resulting fussiness/screaming would not be worth it to force her to go to some shindig where she'll have food and cake and then probably be overstimulated from the sugar and such on top of being already off schedule. Sooo...the confusion continues.

I don't know. I'm not sure what to do. Perhaps I should just stop struggling against it and trying to figure it out and just accept that she's a bad sleeper and I cannot predict how her sleep will go or not go. I would rather do that than continue to expect normalcy and continually be disappointed. That's my Achille's Heel. My idealism. People let me down. Reality lets me down. I let me down. Etc.

This isn't to say that I am not grateful for the positive things. I still am. I am just baffled and bothered by what I perceive to be a failure on my part to figure out how to fix this problem which seemingly has a solution. And I'm tired of the bad sleep. Bad sleep makes everything bad. So I will hold onto a little bit of my idealism by thinking that maybe that things will improve when she's a little older, and this is just a rough spot I have to bear in the meantime.

XO,
Hannah